by Kylie Springman of Thin Crust Deep Dish

Growing up, I never really liked Thanksgiving. It meant sitting around listening to grownups talk for hours while we waited for a meal that consisted mostly of brown, mushy stuff. It seemed my family would always get the biggest possible turkey, and it would take twice as long to roast as the recipe said, and the oven would break halfway through, sending everyone into a poultry-induced panic. Back then, I didn’t understand what everybody was so worked up about. After all, it was just one meal.

The thing is, as Americans, we have so much riding on Thanksgiving. The holiday, and Thanksgiving dinner itself, encompass so many of our values, whether expressed or implicit. Somehow we want this day to signify the closeness of family, the assurance of bounty, and our ability to impress our mothers, all at once. With so much at stake, there’s no way one meal could live up to the hype. When nearly every magazine on the newsstands boasts expertly browned birds and delicately baked pie crusts, how could we possibly measure up in our own homes? However, the way I see it, the space between a disastrous Thanksgiving and a wonderful one can be traversed easily be renegotiating your Thanksgiving expectations and adopting a celebratory outlook. With a few tricks and a change of mindset, you can ensure that your holiday is everything you want it to be, even if it’s not exactly as you envisioned it.

My first trick? Delegate. The whole family is going to eat this meal, right? So why should just one person prepare the whole thing? Give someone the job of grocery shopping, while other family members can be in charge of doing prep work like cutting vegetables and cleaning potatoes. Children can be involved, too. They can make a green salad for before the meal with homemade dressing they mix the day before. While you’re in the kitchen, someone else can spend time with guests, refilling their glasses and keeping them out of the kitchen if there isn’t room for them. After the meal, make sure the person who prepared it gets to relax while others clean up. This way, everyone contributes, and the cook gets quality time with the guests, too.

Second, make Thanksgiving your own. Cook what you like, not what you think you should eat on Thanksgiving. A coworker of mine whose family is Chinese stuffs her turkey with fried sticky rice flavored with dried shrimp. Her family loves this treat far more than the traditional bread-based stuffing. For those who don’t like turkey, braised beef or pork are decadent main dishes that are easy to prepare yet taste succulent and special. If you’re a vegetarian who doesn’t happen to crave Tofurkey (and I don’t blame you there), don’t force yourself to make it. Create a delicious and hearty rice casserole for your main course, or explore Heidi Swanson’s Blog, www.101cookbooks.com, for more beautiful and delicious vegetarian options.

Lastly, aim for quality, not quantity. Some Thanksgiving dinners consist of loads of the old Thanksgiving standbys but nothing that anyone really enjoys. With menu planning, you are only limited by your imagination and your guests’ palates. Try making a limited number of dishes with great recipes that you love. Think a small free-range turkey alongside Brussels sprouts roasted with figs and bacon, served with sage-infused mashed sweet potatoes, stuffing, and fresh cranberry chutney. How lovely would it be this year to savor each individual bite instead of sitting down to a loaded plate missing anything you truly love to eat?

If all else fails this Thanksgiving, if your turkey is dry and your potatoes get cold, remember to laugh. After all, isn’t it silly that we prepare so much for this one meal that half of us don’t even really like? And this Martha Stewart character, who is she to tell us how to fluff potatoes or set a table, anyway?

With any luck, your Thanksgiving this year won’t be anything like the ones on television or in the magazines. It will be far better, because it will be your own.

Kylie Springman is a freelance writer and co-author of the blog Thin Crust Deep Dish.  She cooks, eats and hosts dinner parties in Brooklyn, NY.